Self

People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates.

~Thomas Szasz, "Personal Conduct," The Second Sin, 1973

Me, My, Mine

Recently, I came across a young child who was diagnosed with leukemia (a cancer of the bone marrow in which abnormal types and amounts of cells are made). The medical team tries to find a matching bone marrow to conduct a bone marrow transplant and finally found one matching bone marrow donor.

When contacted, the donor is more than happy to save a life and his wife is supportive of his decision to donate his own bone marrow. He went through a series of health check and tests. The final consultation with the doctor was quite positive.

In asia culture, it is considered filial to seek parent’s blessing and approval before donating any part of the body. When doing so, he encountered huge disapproval from his parents. Reason being the patient is unrelated and is not necessary to take the risk and cause harm to own health.

It is so sad but I think to certain extent, we are all selfish in certain ways, especially when it comes to things that we deem to belong to us. My son, my bag, my computer. It is ok for someone’s PC to crash but not mine. It is ok for someone to suffer but not me and my family. We just don’t feel the same pain we will feel if these things or events happen to others versus “me”.

It is because of our selfish thoughts that we tend to forget that we are all interdependent in this world. The bread that we eat came about from the effort of many other people. From the people who sell them, to the people who bake them, to the people who sell the flour, eggs, even to the people who plant wheat and rear chicken. How many people that we do not known of are involved in the process?

We cannot live alone in this world, we are interdependent of each other. Only when we discard our selfishness and learn to be grateful to each other, this world will be a better world.

PS: To find out more about donating bone marrow to save lives, please visit

http://www.marrow.org/

http://www.bmdp.org/

Assuming Identity

A baby girl was born on earth one fine day and she was without a name and identity. She was given the name Ivy and suddenly, everyone around her starts calling her Ivy. She had not heard of this word before but the adults told her this is her name and she grew up to assume the identity of Ivy.

As a toddler, she hears and sees how the adult around her talk and behave, and she begins to imitate them. Her parents taught her the acceptable ways to behave in public and she learns them. Her parents wanted her to learn piano and ballet and she did as they say. Up till then, she was assuming the identity shaped and molded by her parents and surrounding adults.

As a teenager, she had a best friend and they will buy similar clothes, share similar music, watch similar shows. They influence each other’s behavior and ideas about life. She now has her own ideas and thoughts about her life and she thought she now has her own identity.

She grew up and started working in the society. She wasn’t ready for all the office politics and complicated human relationships. She had many setbacks and she learned how to handle them. Experience is the key. She started to face the reality of life. Having a good EQ is essential to climb up the corporate ladder. She also knows that money is important in this society. She now assumes the identity of a career woman who plays well in office politics and strives for more money.

She fell in love with a man and got married. Years later, she might have children too and she will then assume the identity of a wife and mother. She will then grow old and assumes the identity of grandmother. One fine day, when she leaves this world, she will be lying in the coffin, with no assuming identity.

Who are we? Are we the identity we assume? Identity given by our parents? OR identity given by the society?